October

What a month! October is a hard month for me. It has been since my Mother passed away Oct. 13, 1995. I think this year with also Holly passing away it has been even more emotional. I had tried really hard to keep active at the gym. I even tried a new Zumba class on Monday's with a friend from the gym, and it is lots of fun and will continue going thru the winter since it is at Taylorsville Rec and close to home. I also got my team at work involved with Breast Cancer Awareness month. I bought them all pink wrist bands and have been coordinating a bake sale that we had today, as well as having T-shirts made for the cause.
However there is always a wrench to be thrown in somewhere right.  So last Thursday morning I notice on my Facebook page a message from Brooke. (who I have not talked to in 4 years) Her message say. I now truly understand your pain. It is unbearable and I can hardly breath. I couldn't help but wonder what has happened to her. Thank goodness for blackberry and facebook I was able to call her. She answered the phone and I said Hello Brooke it's Julie. She sniffled said hang on and then came back to the phone crying. I told her I got her message on FB and what was wrong. She is crying and says I am burying my sister tomorrow. I have wanted to talk to you since Monday (hmm Monday I thought of her when I was driving past Joey's old apartment wondering what she was doing) YOU are the only person that understands what I am going through. She said, all the times when you would talk about your sister dying I truly never understood your pain, But now I do. I told her I would be there that night for the viewing. My heart was breaking for her cause next to losing my Mother losing my Little sister has been another heartbreak for me.
Jose went with me to the viewing that night, and when we pulled up I told Jose this really makes me mad at Brittany. Did she not realize how many people loved  her and cared about her, how many lives she effected by taking her life.
The rooms were full with people you could hardly move. I looked around and Brook and I spotted each other at the same time. We are like magnets drawn to each other, funny we were when we met 7 years ago too. We have not seen each other since Sept 7, 2007 and we still were drawn to each other. We hugged each other so tight it was one of those hugs that you get from people that you know truly Love you. Kinda like a hug from your Mom or your Sister. She says to me I have missed you, I have wanted to call you so many times.
(we had our differences 4 years ago and I asked her not to call me again, not that I ever stopped thinking of her cause I did she probably crossed my mind at least once a week) Now we have one more thing to connect us. Both without mother's, both lost our little sisters when they were 29, both have husbands with diabetes, and she tells me Jackson has ADHD, so now both with children with that.
Reading her FB page her friends make me a little mad. Telling her to be brave be strong for sisters children, and all that crap. I texted her and told her Brooke, It's ok for you to be MAD as Hell at your sister! It's ok for you to cry, and it's ok that you are not strong for ANYBODY right now. You need to grieve in whatever way it takes you and for however long it takes you be it a month, a year or even longer.
What makes this so sad is this is the same way Brooke and Brittany's mother left she committed suicide, 25 years ago today. Brooke said she talked to her sister about it till she was blue in the face and how hard it had been on the two of them growing up without a mother. So sad that Brittany did the same thing her mom did a week sooner. This is now going to be the hardest month forever in Brooke's life. October will never be the same for her.
Brooke and I were two friends that I would be feeling down and she would call me to see what was up, Or she would think of me and I would call her. I swear we have esp with each other! Driving home from work on Wed I thought I should call her. She answers the phone crying, I say to her Brooke. She says you have impeccable timing. I ask her if she was ok and she said she was looking through pictures of her and Brittany.  I told her you know it's ok for you to cry and be sad, and it's a good that you have those pictures for you to remember those times with her. 
She told me the night of the viewing that she had so many things to say to me, she says you have no idea what affect you had on my life. So we have made plans to go to lunch this Sunday. It will be good to get together with my Sister from another Mother.
The other wrench- My boss tells me last Friday she got a new job and Oct 19th is her last day.
 The good wrench- Today was our bake sale and we made $417.00. and people liked our shirts we had made so well that we took orders for 30 shirts! We are donating the money to the NBCF.






cake balls




In the basket was pink ribbon shaped sugar cookies. I think the pink and white animal cookis looked cool in the jar!




Prize drawings




I made 50 cupcakes that sold like Hotcakes!




Lorie-Wendy (mgr) and Kim (supervisor)



Oreo Truffle pops.

It was a very good, well organized and well priced bake sale. I came home with maybe 20 cake balls  out of the 150 that I made. It was lots of fun and we discovered by doing this how many lives Breast Cancer has affected, and some people who have family going through Chemo now. Wendy and I decided we were going to do this again next year and my even plan one for Feb for Woman's Heart healt month, we made need to start looking for healthier recipes.

Holly

Sunday August 7th 9am I answer a phone call to hear my brother Tom say Happy Birthday! I tell him thanks but it's not my Birthday till the 23rd. He says Oh then Happy Anniversary to me. I asked him when his Anniversary was he says yesterday. So I tell him Happy Anniversary!
Then he tells me Holly wanted to call and wish you a Happy Birthday. We had to put her in the hospital yesterday due to dehydration, and she has not been able to eat or drink because of her throat being sore from the radiaton treatments. The Dr's also did a CT scan to see how the cancer was doing and they have found that since her last scan in July there is significant growth. She has decided to go on hospice due to the pain. I cried for a minute, and that asked to talk to Holly. One thing I need to add is everything I have talked to her on the phone or texted her in the past 14 months she has always sounded optimistic about her recovery. Today not so. She told me she was tired of the pain and could not take it anymore. She had lived this past year passing every day another hurdle that her and Tom would say well we made it past this day. She had lived to see another grand baby born  had hoped to see him walk but knew the time had come to tell her family and kids goodbye. 
Holly started Hospice care August 10th, with the main goal to keep her pain free. I have tried to text or keep in contact with her on facebook daily. Just so she knew that she was on my mind.
This past week I had told myself if Holly is here on my birthday I am calling her this year. Aug 20, 3:55 I got a phone call from Tom. I knew the minute I saw his name on my phone it was not good but answered my phone with a happy to hear from you voice. He says... Hi I am calling to tell you Holly is dying. I said what? Holly passed away? He told me no but she is not going to make it thru the day, and I wanted to call you. I cried.. and told him can I talk to her? Can you just put the phone to her ear? He did and I told her,  Holly, it's Julie. Holly I Love you, and I need you to pass on a message for me to Mom and Jacqi. When you get to Heaven will you tell them I miss them and Love them.

My brother took back the phone I could tell he was having a rough time so I told him I loved him and we hung up. I went to my facebook and posted on Holly's wall, after I sent my message and the page updated I see on her wall that Holly had passed away peacefully today.  I called my brother and asked him when and he said she had passed away about 20 seconds after he took the phone from her ear.    Whatever I had to tell her was what she needed to hear.                                                                                                       

I was glad I was the last voice she heard on the phone, knowing that she took me serious and was delivering my message to Mom and Jacqi, also because Holly was the one to call me when my mother passed away and she told me that had broke her heart and she had told Tom and Valerie and Jerry that she would not be the one to call me when Dad passed away.   It has always bugged me that I was not there when my Mother died and that I did not get to tell her good bye. I'm lucky to have been the last voice that Holly heard before she went on to a better place free from pain, free from broken bones, free from cancer.                               

It has been a month now that Holly has been gone. I have had this typed up for a month, but just wasn't able to hit post. Holly was cremated she didn't want a funeral service. My brother had a BBQ a week after she passed for her family and friends to celebrate her life.  I didn't go because Tom told me he would rather come see me some day so we can just spend time together. He has had a hard time adapting to being alone. He went on a fishing trip to Seattle this month to get away from the house and work. The kids have had a hard time without their mom, so sad to see them all go thru this. Cassidy was going to take Holly's facebook page down but I told her that she may want to leave it up that it could serve as a place for people to feel close to her still. I know I have written letters for years to my mother that obviously have not been mailed, and she may find that just leaving a note on her page will make her feel close.                                          

Rest in Peace Holly and thanks for delivering my message. Love you!

               

     

Kathleen's Bedroom Makeover part one.

Kathleen turned 19 in May, when she did she told me she wanted her room made over she was tired of the teal walls that had become a chalkboard to her and her friends.

This is her room that I can't stand! Thank goodness she is tired of it too! We went to Lowe's for her to look at paint samples and this is what she came up with that she liked.

The color on the top  Tea Light and the color on the bottom Hot Stone. As luck would have it since I am a paint hoarder. I had a gallon of each of these colors in the garage. I don't remember why I bought them cause neither of them had more then a inch of paint gone from the can. She hasn't decided if she is going to paint the whole room Tea Light, or paint 3 walls with Tea Light and the wall behind her bed the Hot Stone.

This weekend with people starting yard sales we were able to find a night stand $5.00 and a head board for $15.00. Kathleen was excited and got right to work sanding the night stand. The control freak in me wanted to take over but I knew this was a good project for her and hopefully will help her appreciate the hard work she put into it and keep her room kept up.



$5.00 find (Nicole from your Cousin Sidney)



Kathleen doing the sanding.



The finished project. We sprayed the drawer pull silver.



This is the $15.00 head board, not sure if it will be painted black yet or not.

 So far the room make over has cost us $20.00, we will need to purchase some paint rollers, and hopefully we can find a good sale on the Bedding and new curtains.
Today she is taking the stuff off her walls and washing them. She just said,  "man washing walls is hard work" I told her, "Why do you think I have told you to stop writing on them?"

Stay tuned for makeover part 2.